The most frustrating part about my struggle with porn is that is predictable.

Same time. Same location. Everyday.

I know when, and where I will be most tempted to look at porn and masturbate. I am most tempted at the same time, at the same location, every single day. It’s like I have a date night with my sin. But instead of date night only being once a week, it is every single night. Our date is repeating, and it is predictable.

Same time. Same location. Everyday.

Every night when I crawl in bed, I know what is going to happen. I know my demons will meet me in my bed. As I pull the covers over me it is as if I am pulling temptation with it.

I have tried all the remedies to porn that I have heard. But see the problem is that my accountability partners go to sleep before I do. My Wi-Fi filters only work if I am actually on my Wi-Fi network, instead of streaming data from my phone.

So I am stuck with a routine of sin. I know when it is coming and I can’t seem to stop it.

Same time. Same location. Everyday.

So Jesus, here is my prayer to you. Third wheel my date with sin. Meet us there. I can tell you where and when we are meeting; all I ask is that you show up. Show up and hold my hand and keep my attention on you. Because Jesus, without you, I am only failing. My prayer and my invitation are for you to show up, even when I don’t want you to.

Same time. Same location. Everyday.

Create in me a clean heart, O God.

Written from the midst of the struggle.


One thought on “#DAY3 – DATING MY DEMONS

  1. You probably already know about this type of this, but my husband has a plan for the common occasions of sin – a plan of defense so to speak. When he’s tempted at the usual times, he tries to reroute his mind by changing his behavior like falling asleep praying the Rosary or something like that.

    It feels strange to leave a comment – you’re already making yourself incredibly vulnerable by sharing your soul with the world and I feel like I’m imposing my thoughts on your private journal. Please let me know if you do not want comments.


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